Chemo hair cut

I'm going to apologize for all the pictures that show me. It will be a lot of pictures of me in this post. 
I decided I was going to get my haircut short before it falls out. I thought this would be better for my attitude. 
Jovi thought it would be a great idea to get a before picture. I agreed with her. 

So I called and got an appointment for a haircut. 



I had some friends join me for the haircut. It was the laughs and support I needed. 


I got some great tips on how to deal with losing my hair and how I need to take care of my scalp. Wow, I'm glad I was able to have that time to chat and relax and learn. And Laugh. 



So I am a little dramatic and love to pose. I also learned how to tie a scarf around my head and have it look really cute. I also learned what is the best to wear and what colors I should get. Lots of education. 



I love my new sassy cut. This is what I needed. It was a great night with wonderful people. 
And fish fry. Have I said how much I love a good fish fry. 

My Last Week at Work

This is my last week with the amazing people I am blessed to work with. I have a lot to get ready for my sub and my clerical and just cleaning up so it feels like I left my library ready for the sub. 
It was tough to write the email telling everyone I would be gone April and May. I gave them a link to my blog (to let them know what my journey has been and will be) I won't lie. I teared up while writing those emails. It was so final. 
Have I said I am blessed to work with some amazing people? I got so much support and love from everyone. It (again) brought tears to my eyes with all the well wishes I got. And the offers to help if I needed help. God really had a great plan when he got me here. (and if you don't know that story, ask me it is a great story that clearly shows God's path for me) 

I sat and wrote out good directions for all the things that I thought my sub needed to know. 
This week was also the monthly meeting of our LMS. Those ladies are great! We all help each other and will pitch in if someone needs our help. They all offered to help in any way. It was great. The meeting was really good too. I have another meeting Friday morning. I love learning about the resources we have to offer our students. 
I walked out of my schools, it was odd to think I wouldn't be back for two months. I have other things to concentrate on, I know this, I know school will go on, the kids will check out books, the chromebooks will break and be fixed. I happen to love what I do. 
I also told my DEN friends. These are the friends that I met at a conference in the summer. The outpouring of love and support and prayers made my heartsmile. It made it almost ok that I wouldn't be able to go to Utah this summer to the conference. I will miss spending time with these rock star educators and learning and connecting with them. 
This is a blip, I have the support of the wonderful people in my life. Lots of offers to help. God is good. I am strong and I got this (with a lot of help from my friends)

Schedules, sobbing and shoes

I had everything scheduled, my last day at school would be March 29th, my parents would come on the 30th, we would go to Door County on Sunday. Monday April 1st I would get the port, the 2nd would be my teach time and April 3rd would be my first chemo. 
Well the good Lord had something different in mind. I had gone in for another biopsy because they had found a second spot and they wanted to biopsy my lymph nodes. When they tried to find that second spot with the ultra sound, they couldn't find it. 
I found out that means I needed an MRI guided biopsy. The poor nurse called to let me know there was an issue. The issue was they didn't know when that could happen. 

The poor nurse, I was sobbing and trying to talk. I didn't know if they could do it next week, the week after. I knew it would push back my chemo, I didn't know if this would mess up my FMLA. I had everything planned out , I had a cute chemo haircut scheduled. I tried to apologize to the nurse. I wanted to make sure she knew I wasn't mad. I had finally gotten all my appointments finalized and didn't have to think about it anymore. And now everything was upside down again. 
But God's perfect timing was perfect. There is suppose to be rain showers and maybe snow around the lake. So its good my parents don't have to come on Saturday. They will come after I get everything scheduled. I have to trust that this is His Plan. 

My next steps are to call the nurse back and see what will happen next. 

Doctor's Appointment

I had my Doctor's appointment with my surgeon. Wow, I love her. She is great. 


She took me through all the pictures they had taken and showed me what they saw and explained what everything was. 
Then she went through how a cancer lump forms. She said I might have had this in my body for 2-4 years before I could've felt it. The doctor drew pictures to show how it started and where it started. I got a lot of details. 
Then she went through all my test results. My labs are good. She said the one thing they don't want to see is the cancer leave the breast. And my tests look good. God is Good!
The doctor went over all the different tests mean. How some things are good and others mean they take a different way to treat it. But she took the time to go over everything. 
The doctor talked about treatment for this and what is the best for me. She actually went over the pros and cons of different treatments and what that means for me. She talked in normal words, and not all medical terms. She stopped and asked if I had questions and she went over things again if I needed it. 

She also went over what her part in all this is. And we went over the pros and cons of a lumpectomy or taking it all. That is a decision that I don't have to make today, I can make that after my treatments. 
I loved that she talked about chemo and what I could expect. (besides losing my hair) 
The last thing she talked about was me. And the top things I need to do. 
Sleep, laugh, cry, eat, exercise.  I love they focus on the whole person and not just Hildie and the cancer. 
I'm so blessed to have a great doctor who took time to talk to me and gave me a copy of all the notes she made so I can look them over and call if I have more questions. How awesome is that? 
God made sure I had the doctor I needed and gave me great information. 

Planning

As I have stated before, I'm going to be missing about 2 or 3 months of work. Most people would be excited and on their last day close the door and leave. Well, it doesn't work that way if you are me and work in a school. Today I'm working on my sub plans. I can't just tell the sub "Good Luck, find something for the kids to do" That's not the way I'm wired. 
So here I am planning for the rest of the year hoping everything goes smoothly. I know some are wondering why, you need to rest and take care of yourself. Well, I'm sitting on my comfy couch with the Jovi sleeping next to me. This is pretty stress free except when Jovi starts to snore or kick me in her sleep. Good thing she is little and I can move her over. 

How can anyone be stressed when they have this cutie watching over them. 
I think I have everything ready for the sub. 

MRI

As many people know an MRI is where they stick you in a tube and take pictures. I have never had an MRI. But this was different because I had to lie facedown. Which I thought would be better. 
I didn't sleep the night before, I kept thinking about going in that tube thingy. 

I got to the appointment early. I didn't bring knitting to work on while waiting, I did bring a book to read. I was worried about wearing the wrong thing or forgetting to take my toe rings off. I did remember to take off my toe rings. 
The first thing they did was get an EKG. Then they took me into the MRI room. I was glad to see the tube didn't have a door to close it off. 
I had to lie face down. there is a bar with a not very cushiony cushion for my breast bone to rest on. I had to have an IV. I don't like needles. I was praying for strength and calm. 
I got settled, they did give me a panic button in case I needed to leave the machine. then I was put in the tube. I had headphones on where they could talk to me and I could hear music. (I picked the 80's but sadness, they did not play Bon Jovi, oh well)
They told me they were starting. I had no idea it would be loud. Really loud. I could hardly hear the music. I had to move my hand.  They didn't want me to move my arm because I might move what they needed to see. It was ok to turn my hand. Half way through the bar started to hurt. But I had to lie still to finish. I didn't want to make it last any longer. The loud noised continued when they were taking the pictures. They put a contrast dye in the IV. I could taste it. 
Finally they said they were done. And I was pulled out. I needed help getting off the table. For the rest of the day, my chest was sore. 
This was my reward for making it through.

They called that night saying they looked at my results. They found another mass that caused concern now we need to figure out a time for another biopsy. Not what I had wanted to hear at 6:45pm on a Friday night. 
I was so thankful that I had a friend I could text and talk to her about what they had found. 
Many prayers are still needed. 

racing thoughts

My mind can't stop racing. What do I need to do to get ready? How detailed do my sub plans need to be? I have some fun things planned, will they turn out without me? Do I have enough time to record instructions for the sub to play to show what needs to be done.
I told my parents when I was home for break. I told them we can't dwell on it. This is a short blip on the screen and I will take this on and beat it. Mom and dad took the news really well. I know they will be a huge help to me when they can. They will be here before I start chemo. We are planning a day in Door County to have a fun day before I start chemo.

Now  I need to email my principals and my district librarian. I know they will be supportive and do what needs to be done. I'm thankful for the people God has put in my life. God is good. I'm not excited about writing those emails. I'm also not excited about planning the rest of the year. Not because of the work involved. I'm sad I will miss all the cool things we will be doing. Again short time in the space of the year.
This is better timing then if I had to miss the whole school year. God's perfect timing. If all goes well, (lots of prayers that it does) then I will be able to be back at school either in September or October. Again, God's timing and his plan for me.

Which means I should stop writing here and change to my lesson plans. Keep praying for me.

Doctor's appointment

So I go to the oncologist appointment. Because of the size, they want to do chemo first to shrink it then either a lumpectomy or if it doesn't shrink then they will take the whole breast.
4-6 months of chemo means I can't finish the school year. I'm sad.
You know most would be sad about losing their hair, that's not that big of deal to me. It's more getting a port in me. (which, I don't like all that icky stuff) and how I will react to chemo.
The one nurse was very sweet, but very enthusiastic about information about the port. I thought for one moment she was going to put it in right then.
I went to the car and cried.  More because I can't go to my parents this summer, I can't present this summer, I can't go to DENSI this summer in Utah.
But this will make me better, I will be able to do things next summer. This is a blip on the screen.
After the appointment I went to school. I was doing the light board for the musical. It was good that I had that distraction. Besides I love doing the light board and helping with the costumes. Those things  bring me joy. Working with the faculty at Webster on the musical is great. They are great to work with.

After the musical I went home and talked to my friend. It was helpful to hear what she had to say. I had some questions to ask and it was great to hear she was praying for me and she was there to listen anytime I needed to talk. Again, God put some amazing people in my life. They told me they will be there and do what they can to help.
The next thing I needed to do was tell some people who I work with. I couldn't tell them in person. I still tear up when I talk about it. So I sent them a message. The support and love I got made me feel like with their support I could take on the world. God has blessed me with amazing people to work with.
Now is the time to do paperwork to take time away from work. So I sent that email.
So many things to do.

The phone call

So I had been told I would get the results of the biopsy on Tuesday or Wednesday.  I had a meeting Monday morning. We were halfway through the agenda and my cell phone rings. I go to answer it and it is the results from my biopsy. She asks if I could talk. I said yes.
She was very sweet and kind. She said yes it is cancer. My heart stopped for a moment, my stomach sank. I had gone over in my head this might be a possibility, but I was really praying for a different result.
I cried, then I went back to the table and was in shock. But I also had classes coming in. So I do what I needed to do. I took a deep breath. Prayed for strength and calm.
Taught and texted my friend the results. Told my other friend. Both were very supportive. God has blessed me with wonderful people in my life. Hugs and encouraging words were really helpful.
I told another person, I still haven't told my parents yet. I am going to wait until I have more information about what needs to happen.
So more appointments have to be made. I have to have an MRI. I'm not sure how I feel about being stuck in a small tube. I think being face down will help. There were a ton of odd questions that I had to answer when I made the appointment.
Now I have an appointment with an oncologist, and I have an appointment with the surgeon. I am on appointment overload and my mind is racing on what will happen next.
The great thing is I know God is watching over me. Did I mention he has put great people in my life? I am so blessed with great friends. I know God has a plan. He has perfect timing and it is in his control.

biopsy

I had a biopsy scheduled. The one very nice nurse said not to just Google it. She said there are a lot of scary and a lot of misinformation. I was good with not Googling it.
I had told a two people about it. Both were very supportive and I knew both would keep me in their prayers.
The biopsy was interesting. I asked to have my eyes covered because I am not that brave. I won't lie, it did hurt a bit.
I had some restrictions. Wear a sports bra. (I have those) Don't lift more than 10 pounds. Take it easy. I was happy Jovi is seven pounds, so I could still lift her.
They wrapped me like a mummy and I met my friend after at The Attic (a cute coffee shop in Green Bay) It was nice to talk to someone. God has blessed me with some wonderful friends.
I had to present two days later. I sat that night and worked on my presentation. Trying to find a comfortable position to sleep was interesting. I think the stress wore me out.
The presentation went really well. The next day I tried to wear a regular bra, I went to church and got home and changed. I was still sore and needed the extra support.
I was also really bruised. It turned some very pretty colors.
Now it was sit and wait for the results.

Found

You never expect to find a lump when you are doing the self examine. I had been not very  consistent lately when doing the self examines. I have been doing them for a while and never found anything. But I found something. It was a lump. A million things go through your head.  Will I lose both of the girls? Is it stage 4? Will there be chemo? Will I miss a lot of work? How will I pay for all this? Can I live by myself?  What about Jovi? What do I do next?

A million thoughts were going through my head. I still went to work, and it was great to have something else to focus on.
I made a doctor appointment and then scheduled a mammogram.
Those were scary appointments knowing they could say the C word at any time.
I knew it was going to be something bad when they scheduled the biopsy and the one nurse had a sad face.

Shoes

I love shoes. I am always on the look out for cute shoes. I'm also not into name brands. I don't care if the shoes are from Walmart, Macy's or a thrift store. As long as they are cute and comfy I will get them.

I am a Library Media Specialist and I love my job. I work with the best people. I am able to work with students and teachers. Not only do I have the privilege to introduce students and teachers to great books, but I also work with them with technology.


My faith is very important to me. I have a close relationship with my Savior. I trust in him and know he has a plan for me. It's the perfect plan. I have seen his plan when I moved from Hartford to Green Bay. My God is powerful and loves me.